i'm thinking about god lately. as ever.

i am gentle with myself. i see the places that i wish to be different and i make moves to remember my highest vision.

sometimes i eat fresh vegetables. sometimes i eat cookies. sometimes i drink coffee. mostly i embrace cliff, clean living is freedom forever. i have seen the effect that programs can have on my systems. the smoke program is corrupt, for example, regardless of what subprogram you are delivering with the smoke. these things bring confusion. i am grateful to work where i am now, for it is making me oh so sick of sugar and caffeine. i see its grip on myself and others. i see the delight in their eyes as i give them their drugs and take their money. would you like a sample? first time's for freeee. surgeon general's warning: may cause diabetes and low level stress of which you will have no perception. rather, it will just be your life, and only if your drugs are inaccessible will your quality of living seem less.

i ride my bike everywhere now. my body has changed. slimmer, leaner, more efficient. good food tastes even better after twenty miles on a bicycle. the city comes alive when you move through it. power lines hum (really). statues see the sky. and all of our lonely hearts, come to gawk. this city contains every small town to which i have ever been. riding down a street in an unfamiliar area, i may find a street whose homes and stop signs and fences and children look just like a street elsewhere in the state. the hologram city.

the night is a different world. silent city streets lined with sleeping cars all bundled into the curb for the night. the whisper of ten million leaves in the park. you can't tell what kind of neighborhood you're in when it is dark. the only defining characteristic is the commonality of sleep. no one escapes. i have scarcely felt so free as when i ride at night. the quiet hum of a people and their technology breathing their energy in and out, giving and taking.

i don't know what to say about prior postings. life changes so much. three years gone, and while i recognize the man who wrote before me now, i find it hard to relate. the dreams are particularly hard to hear myself in. zombies?!? wow.

my dreams now are so liquidy. living in a soft place. i 'read meters' in my dreams still. really, that means that i wander around talking to people and exploring the world. weirdness happens less and less. scariness is nonexistent. i love dreaming.

family life comes and goes. mostly, it is good. marriage and fatherhood continue to teach their ways. i listen when i can. sometimes, i struggle.

i am gentle with my friend jaymi.

i am gentle with my friend isa.

i am gentle with my friend joshua

i remember to remember.